The week before my Amalfi Coast wedding I packed my suitcase. The flat was strewn with outfits for every conceivable eventuality and yet, still, I felt I had nothing to wear. This seemed ironic given that I'd spent the last two years searching for the holy grail of style: the capsule wardrobe. I was convinced clarity would banish confusion once I owned this small selection of interchangeable garments. So I spent the time I was meant to be writing a novel – yeah, right! - procrastinating by way of the nation's 'favourite pastime' – shopping.

I'd heard 'we wear 20% of our wardrobe 80% of the time'. My mantra was 'less is more'. So how had I ended up with more, more?  Surveying my car crash of a capsule wardrobe I wondered how much time, money and energy I'd expended in collating all this. It didn't need my new husband to inadvertently expose my boob during our first dance for me to realise that neither clothes nor marriage could conceal the truth: I was seeking material solutions to immaterial problems. And I was trying to dress a person I didn't know, let alone liked.

There was nothing for it but a bit of demon facing – notably the one in my head. I may have been bullied at school for my Winona-Ryder-in-Beetle-Juice style, but it was nothing compared to what I said to myself - about me. So I checked in to mental rehab and began exorcising the demon chatter.  Beginning by drowning out the constant commentary on everything from the pointlessness of my existence to the vapidity of my interests to whether I'd offended that person back in 1998, with Hay House Radio, “Radio for your Soul”. 

I particularly loved listening to the soothing, southern tones of Esther Hicks and the profound, yet simple teachings of Abraham.  The Law of Attraction's assertion that we are “creating with every thought” became my little black dress of a mantra. To me, this meant that, on a personal level, I had to learn to love the skin I'm in, warts 'n' all – really that's just a metaphor, I don't have any warts. Only then was I going to get out of this wilderness and into the clarity of my capsule wardrobe. And on a wider scale, if the material world was a manifestation of the internal state then what impact were my somnambulist shopping sprees having outside of Changing 'oom? 

According to DEFRA 1.2 million tons of clothing went to UK landfills in 2005.  A direct result of unfulfilled desires and broken dreams? Is our disrespect for our world a manifestation of the fact that we've lost touch with ourselves? Having felt isolated and lonely as long as I could remember the idea that our very thoughts and actions could be having an impact elsewhere was awe-inspiring.  Joanna Macy in her book World as Self World as Lover uses the Buddhist allegory, The Jewelled Net of Indra, to illustrate our interconnectedness: “...a world where each being, each gem at each node of the net, is illumined by all the others and reflected in them.” 

As the 'reawakened' consumer, the top of the fashion food chain, I began to consider all the people, places and resources that had provided my purchases as well as the energy required to maintain them. My actions, including washing my tummy minimising thigh zapping pants were not without consequence. If I wanted to see a better world I needed to be the change. It seemed I owed it not just to myself, but to everyone, to sort my crazy coconut head out once and for all! This epiphany reignited the creative spirit I'd suppressed for so long; believing it to be of little relevance to the attainment of such life goals as a partner, a house, or a practical career.  Once reunited with my long lost creative spirit I found myself filled with renewed enthusiasm for life and a sense of purpose I hadn't felt since my childhood. 

An avid reader of Vogue from the age of 11 my big style ambitions and pocket money budget meant I frequented charity shops. Now I choose charity shop shopping over the High Street, where possible, for ethical and ecological reasons, as well as personal economics and satisfaction. Don't get me wrong, I don't think conscious consuming is going to save the world, in fact, some critics, like Guardian columnist George Monbiot, say that producing more stuff, eco friendly or not, is bad for the environment. And in a way I suppose he's right, but change is gradual and our consuming habits will die hard.

Personally I find the wealth of inspiration and ingenuity the ecological, ethical and economic issues have brought up exciting. I see the creativity we so enjoyed as children being embraced everywhere and used as way to reconnect to ourselves, the earth and each other. I've given up somnambulist shopping sprees for swishing – basically clothes swapping. I've customised clothes at the Make Lounge, whose strap line is 'Meet People.  Make Stuff'. I’ve given myself a groin injury pushing metal through a press in a jewellery making workshop. I've met people like Sheena Matheiken of the Uniform Project, who's wearing the same dress for a year as an exercise in sustainability and creativity – she has a different look everyday – and in so doing is supporting a charity helping to educate children in the slums of Mumbai.

I remember a day when I first started secondary school and felt alienated, lonely and convinced the bullies were right – I was ugly, my clothes were awful, my hair 'grey like a gran's'. I looked into the bathroom mirror and saw a girl I no longer recognised and worse still, didn't want to know. I watched her 'drown', submerged in the silvery depths of the glass where she stayed until the day I packed that suitcase to get married because I didn't want to be me any more. Now, at last, I'm getting to know the real me, the creative spirit me.  And the outer me, the material girl me, is really enjoying learning to love the skin she's in. As Marianne Williamson says, “We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

Helen Davis

I have a PG Cert from the London College of Fashion in Fashion & Lifestyle Journalism; and have written for vintage fashion websites.  I currently write a blog called Adventuress Undressed, charting my voyage of self discovery by way of my wardrobe. I worked as part of a small team, helping set up and open Zandra Rhodes' Fashion & Textile Museum, in South East London. Later I became a 'Personal Shopper' for the charity Dress for Success, based in Islington, which provides disadvantaged women with interview appropriate clothing and support to help them back to work. More recently I have been looking into the affects of colour attending aura painting classes and am about to complete a course in Holistic Colour and Style Consulting.

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